Mel Waldman
The Secret Life of J
A Developmental Perspective
STAGE I
PHILOSOPHER KING
J
is the philosopher king
the
flow of the river in glittering opalescence
a
private spirit revealing the way
lover
of beauty & the grandeur of the universe
phantom
visionary & mathematician/logician
aware
of sin
the
death & obliteration of the true self
STAGE II
FIRST CONFESSION
J
is the keeper of a secret self & a hidden life
that
is the way it is
in
his time
his
era
chance
& destiny merged & we were neighbors
became
friends
decades
ago was it in the 80s?
faraway
yesterday & now
in
the flow of my phantom brainwaves
Time
a kaleidoscope of illusions
a
grand magic show
is
the otherworldly flow of phantasmagoria
&
in this eerie container of Being & Becoming
within
the whirling Dome of Life & Death
he
revealed,
“I am gay.”
He trusted me.
Trust
dissolves boundaries/separations & creates oneness/connection
STAGE III
SECOND CONFESSION
The
past is now
&
time returns
inside
my swirling mind again & again
in
a circle of infinity
like
Ouroboros
the
snake that eats its own tail
J
confesses/reveals
“I am HIV positive.”
His
familiar voice
calm
& accepting
conceals
the silent shriek &
transverberation
of my mournful soul
I
wear the black hole of grief
STAGE IV
HEALING
Imagination
a magical door/boulevard to the multiverse
a
cornucopia of universes
may
heal
medical
treatment & psychotherapeutic visualizations are his way
&
in his Mind’s Eye
he
does not obliterate/kill the disease
J
envisions a world of transcendence & peace
&
sees harmony/beauty in a circle of love/divinity
STAGE V
AIDS
IT
progresses
&
J moves away
lives
alone in his new house/fortress retreating into inner space
STAGE VI
VANISHING
Occasionally
he visits the old neighborhood
until
he stops
&
we vanish from each other’s life
an
invisible barrier/boundary separates/cuts the sacred connection
STAGE VII
CONFESSIONS/REVELATIONS
Confessions
of the wounded soul
&
waves & particles of revelation
are
a potent blending
the
flow of empathy
&
the efflorescence of the self
I
reflect & recall & taste the pain that hovers in my brain
&
crave the holy healing of acceptance & peace
I
shall not forget
my
friend nor the insidious disease & I wait for a selcouth catharsis
I
am a shattering absence
a
panorama of loss & grief
scattered
across the vastness of the lost landscape
&
a vanishing mustang
galloping
into the deep of the ravine & the ruins of the chasm & the blackness of nowhere
&
soon the chimerical snow falls incessantly
covers
the lost landscape & swallows all
&
the snow is a holy veil that holds & caresses & transforms the swirl of pain & suffering
in
a beautiful alchemy & metamorphosis & divine transcendence & now I am free
transcendentally
free
Poems by Mel Waldman have appeared in Ascent Aspirations, Brickplight, Clockwise Cat, Eskimo Pie, Indiana Voice Journal, The Jewish Literary Journal, Liquid Imagination, Mad Swirl, A New Ulster, Oddball Magazine, Poetry Pacific, Red Fez, Skive Magazine, Two Drops Of Ink, and Yellow Mama, as well as in Namaste Fiji: The International Anthology Of Poetry (The Blue Fog Journal, 2007). He has also published short stories in a number of fiction journals. Holding a doctorate in psychology, Waldman is a practicing psychologist in New York City.
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Here is today’s prompt
(optional as always)
Today’s poem is explores a man’s journey with HIV/AIDS from the perspective of an HIV-negative friend, as well as the impact the friend’s HIV/AIDS had on the speaker. Write a poem exploring a close friendship between an HIV-negative person and an HIV-positive person.