James Diaz
Online Wars of The Twisted Heart
“the world’s not falling apart, because of me.”
—Dar Williams
I know something about it
what you’re going through
how the world takes you for granted
your kin your kind
wearing you down down down
I know something about wanting to just give it all back
every single thing that was never yours
all their shit and hollerin’
and god almighty it’s some kinda war in there
basement hauntings at least three generations old
mounting the stairs to dingy star light lounges filled with dreams deferred
and you can settle into love for reasons having to do with what you never got
but it will not last
it will not feed you
or come when you originally called
out in the cradle
shooting up and only hearing a muffled sound;
your folks
if they could have, maybe they would have
but there’s no machine for that
there’s just this pen and paper
and the nights getting longer as you get older
and learn to do half a bit better but by no means
do you have it all down
so yeah, I know something about it
what you’re going through
maybe you logged on tonight
and all you see is a bunch of screaming in your timeline
and you don’t know exactly why at first
but you feel like you’re crying out in the dark for a ship that never arrived
and you wanna reach out and touch the heart of the problem
but it’s just as big and immovable as it was to you then
listen, give it back, it’s not yours
we’re all survivors of this intergenerational transmission of trauma
all doing half a bit better but by no means
do we have it down
and so it’s bringing you down, I get it
but just step outside and take in those stars for a minute
above your head, even though an alive thing can feel all the way dead
it is most definitely alive
you are right where you need to be
and ok and on time
and belonging and true
and this, this is your world too.
Welcome home.
—Submitted on 08/29/2020
James Diaz is the author of This Someone I Call Stranger (Indolent Books, 2018) as well as the founding editor of Anti-Heroin Chic. Their poems have appeared in Yes Poetry, Gone Lawn, The Collidescope, Thimble Lit Mag, BlogNostics, Poetry Breakfast, and other journals.
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