Caitlin Brown
Southern Hospitality
There was a huge roach in my kitchen
Bigger than I’ve ever seen before.
He didn’t scurry away when I turned on the light
But only after I missed him with the spatula.
Actually
That’s a palmetto bug
You told me helpfully.
But I couldn’t find any insect-killing products
At Walmart
For palmetto bugs.
There was a family in the aisle with me
At midnight
Comparing the prices of laundry detergent.
She wanted the fragrance-free kind
Because Jesus gets rashes.
He was calculating the price per ounce on a piece of paper
She was wearing an ankle monitor
Almost like those anklets the ladies in my neighborhood strap on
To count their steps
When they want to pretend they are athletes.
Jesus was waiting silently, patiently
Much too patiently
For a four-year-old.
Cucaracha
Is the Spanish word for cockroach.
I saw it printed on a lot of the bottles and boxes.
But actually
I had a palmetto bug
You had told me
Helpfully.
In the parking lot
There was a run-away shopping cart
Headed for my car
And a worker sprinting after it
Faster than the ladies in my neighborhood could ever dream of.
When it hit
He screamed
Like a parent losing a child.
I pulled out my phone
to turn on the flashlight
To show him
that there was no damage.
He put up his hands.
The light illuminated the bumper
Of the car next to mine.
It had that license plate
In the vomit-yellow color
With the ominous slogan
And the hissing snake.
As he wrote down his information
Eyes still dripping
On the piece of paper
Supplied by the father of Jesus
Because he didn’t want to touch my phone
And he wouldn’t believe me
When I said it was no big deal
No deal at all
I wondered
If Raid could kill a snake.
But I knew
Because you had told me
Helpfully
That
Actually
I had a palmetto bug.
He was waiting for me
On the lip of the dishwasher
Bigger than anything I had ever seen.
He didn’t flinch when I turned on the light
Spatula in one hand
Raid in the other
I think I emptied half of the can
As a chased him
From the kitchen
To the living room
Screaming
Loud enough to wake the neighborhood ladies
Who pretend to be athletes
Loud enough to match the worker who thought he was going to lose his life
To a run-away shopping cart
Loud enough to make up for the temper tantrum Jesus should have had
At midnight at Walmart
Next to his cuffed mother.
You have been
Very
Helpful.
But
Actually
Just so you know
Palmetto bug
Is just a
Euphemism
For roach.
Caitlin Brown is a political scientist and actress who has thus far only written poetry to let off steam. She holds a BA in drama from Vassar College and a PhD in political science from Georgetown University. She is currently a visiting professor at the College of William & Mary, where she teaches classes on politics in developing countries and political protest.
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